Why trust comes first
Araminta did not free her family by surprise. She came back again and again, and her people knew her voice, her signals, and her word. They followed her because she had shown she could be trusted with their lives.
Your family’s stories are precious too. Some are joyful, some are painful, and some have never been told outside the kitchen. Before an elder hands you a story, they want to know who you are becoming, why you are asking, and what you will do with what they give you.
How-To Study: Becoming a trusted family researcher
Open the video in GHL
Trust grows when you can explain your work clearly, honestly, and in your own words. A trusted family researcher can answer six questions.
- Why is this more than an assignment to you?What it means to you, and what could be possible.
- How will this help you?What you hope to learn, become, or understand.
- How will the family benefit?What the family gets back when the circle is complete.
- What is challenging?Be honest about what is hard for you.
- What help and support do you need?Time, introductions, photos, patience, a ride to see an elder.
- What do you promise in return?How you will protect, honor, and give back what you receive.
Build on the keepers who came before you
You are probably not the first person in your family to care about its history. Someone may already have a family tree, a box of photographs, or a reunion booklet. Find them. Honor their work, learn from it, and ask how you can add to it. Family history lives in many places:
- Family Bibles
- Photo albums
- Funeral and homegoing programs
- Family reunion booklets and T-shirts
- Letters and cards
- Recipe books
- Military papers
- Church and lodge records
- Genealogy and DNA accounts
- Social media posts
Family reunions are a natural home for this work. Think about how the Family Lore Project could lift the next reunion: a story circle, a timeline on the wall, a family Jeopardy game, a table of elders ready to be interviewed.
Listen for cautions
Some family members may worry. That is not a “no.” It is information. Listen all the way through, thank them, and reassure them where you honestly can. Open each caution to see one way to respond.
“Why are you digging all that up?”
They may be protecting you, or themselves, from painful memories.
“I’m not trying to dig up hurt. I want to know where our strength came from. You decide what you want to share.”
“That’s family business.”
They are worried about privacy. This is a good sign: they care about what happens to the family’s stories.
“I agree. Every story is not for every ear. Anything you tell me stays in the family unless you say I can share it.”
“Who is going to see this?”
They want to know where the story will go. Tell them exactly.
“I choose who sees each thing I post: just family, my teacher, my classmates, or the public. Nothing goes outside the family without your blessing, and nothing goes public without a parent signing off.”
“I don’t want to relive those times.”
Some memories carry real pain. Respect it.
“You don’t have to. We can talk about anything you choose, and we can stop whenever you want. I’d love to hear about the good times too.”
“People will get it wrong.”
They may have seen family stories twisted before, or told by outsiders.
“That’s exactly why I’m learning to do this. I’ll check the story with you before I share it, and I’ll correct anything I got wrong.”
If someone says no, thank them and leave the door open: “If you ever change your mind, I’d be honored to listen.” Then find another keeper. An aunt, a grandparent, a spiritual leader, an organizational leader, or a community elder can stand in.
Check yourself
Answer each in your head, then open it to compare. Your graded quiz is in GHL.
Why does a Djeli-in-Training need to gain trust before collecting stories?
Because families share their most precious and painful memories only with someone they trust to protect and honor them. Trust is what makes the stories possible.
A relative says, “That’s family business.” What does that tell you?
They care about privacy and about how the family is seen. Respond by explaining that nothing leaves the family without their blessing.
Why look for family members who have already collected history?
To honor their work, avoid starting from scratch, learn what is already known, and build together instead of alone.
What is the difference between a caution and a “no”?
A caution is a concern you can listen to and answer. A “no” is a decision you respect, while leaving the door open.
Family Research: The trust conversation
This week you introduce the Family Lore Project to your family and ask for their support.
Prepare your six answers
Write a sentence or two for each. Use your own voice. Your answers save in this browser, and you can copy them as one script when you’re ready.
Hold the conversation
- Choose the moment. A family dinner, a phone or video call, a visit with a grandparent, or a family group chat. Ask for 20 minutes.
- Introduce the Family Lore Project. Explain what a Djeli is, share the vision and goals, and show a sample assignment, such as your first listening from Stage I.
- Share your six answers. Speak from your notes, not word for word.
- Ask who the family keepers are. “Who in our family has already collected our history? What do they have? Can you introduce me?”
- Ask about reunions and gatherings. “How could this help at our next reunion or gathering?”
- Listen for cautions. Let every concern be spoken. Thank them, and reassure where you honestly can.
- Envision together. “If this goes well, what would you love our family to have at the end?”
- Ask for support. Ask for cooperation, information, inspiration, and encouragement. Go through the family pledge at the end of this page together.
Record what you learned
Personal Reflection
Write your answers here or in your journal. When you’re done, copy your journal into your Djeli-in-Training portfolio in GHL.
Demonstration: How my family answered
First, respond to two tellings
Answer before you call. Respond to two tellings from classmates or from the Ancestor Shelf, using the four moves:
- Name itGive the story a temporary name.
- Take itSay one thing it taught you.
- Ask itAsk the teller one question.
- Link itConnect it to your own family or adopted line.
Then, post your telling
Record 2 to 3 minutes of audio or video, or write about 300 words.
- Introduce yourself: “I am [your name], Djeli-in-Training of the [family name] family.”
- Tell how your family received the Family Lore Project. Who was excited? Who was cautious?
- Name one family keeper you discovered and what they hold.
- Share the promise you made to your family.
Choose your tier and get the teller’s blessing. If you mention a relative’s caution or story, make sure they are comfortable with it before you post beyond Family Only. When people answer your telling, post an answer back to close the circle.
Bring to your weekend session
Bring your six answers and your notes from the trust conversation. In the circle, you’ll practice responding to cautions through role-play, and hear how other families answered.
Our family pledge
Go through this together at the end of the trust conversation. Family members check what they are willing to offer. Every item is a gift, not a requirement.
“We know that [student’s name] is training as our family’s Djeli, a keeper of our memory. We will support this work in the ways we have checked below.”
Stage II checklist
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